Mabel

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Author	Comment
LuckyCastaaway	Mabel	Lead	[-]
Registered Member Posts: 603 (07/23/08 7:52 AM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Ok, someone had to have heard a caller named Mabel this morning on 'VON. Wow!! She purely epitomizes one of the major problems confronting the Black community today, which is fatherless households. Here is a lady who never wanted to get married, 4 kids by 4 different men, blames everybody but herself and doesn't allow the estranged fathers of her children any type of visitation with their dad. The host (Derrick Hill) held her feet to the fire but she (amazingly) tried to justify and rationalize her decisions in life. Man oh man, we got sooo much work to do.
Gwalks		#1	[-]
Registered Member Posts: 565 (07/23/08 9:29 AM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I missed that segment. Mable might be the caller who was raped in the past and never received counseling (don't quote me on this). At any rate, it's a sad situation.
MissyinChi		#2	[-]
Registered Member Posts: 108 (07/23/08 10:27 AM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I missed it...but I know the type. I honestly don't believe it when people like this say they didn't want to get married. I believe that is a defense measure to explain why...after 4 kids by 4 men she still does not have a husband. I could be wrong about Mabel but I have known some women like that. To deny a Father visitation makes matters worse because despite what some believe kids do need their Fathers in their lives. Now if Dad is a criminal living foul, keep him away but otherwise boys and girls do need both parents. They need to know who they came from..who they look like...they need to be proud of who they are and Fathers are normally the best place to start. When I run into women who say they won't let the Father see the child because of unpaid child support I try and talk them into changing that...Yes a man should financially support his children but stopping visitation because of CS issues is wrong and harms the child. Handle the support issues in court but let that man see his children and build a relationship with them. If children are not getting the time and attention they need..they have a greater chance of becoming the young people who terrorize our communities. The national guard and the CPD cannot fix our families. That is what we must do. and this too shall pass... Last Edited By: MissyinChi 07/23/08 4:22 PM. Edited 1 times.
catpurrson		#3	[-]
Registered Member Posts: 88 (07/23/08 11:02 AM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Yes, I heard Mabel on the air this morning. She is a regular WVON caller, usually on Roland's show. Her situation is pitiful and, as Missy posted, I am (unfortunately) familiar with this type of person. In my opinion, we just have far too many sisters and brothers caught up in this kind of mess in our neighborhoods. And, as far as I'm concerned, it's totally unnecessary. It's no wonder that so many of these kids, too, are screwed up. We need to work on us, before a virtual police state steps in and does it for us (I can see it coming real soon...). I liked the way that Derrick Hill conducted that discussion, although it was all too brief (with time constraints...). I hope that WVON has these kind of discussions more often. Cat
MissyinChi		#4	[-]
Registered Member Posts: 109 (07/23/08 4:38 PM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Catpurrson do you think the disscussions help at all. Do you think people like Mable hear the responses and evaluate their lives and make changes? I hate to be a downer but I really don't think they do...I think something more solid needs to take place. I read the article about the young man killed on his back porch in West Pullman. There was an anti violence poster in the front of the house. It just brought to mind the rallies that are held after a child is shot and killed. The people come out and say no more..the TV crews are there..the police and ministers and politicians come out to protest....but a week or two later...it happens again. One of the best things that ever happened in IL was walfare reform. I was mad at first because I saw it as abandoning the poor...but then I saw life long welfare recepients getting and keeping jobs. I have to admit it good. Get educated and get a job if you want to eat and live. Is there something that can be done to stop the violence? What can be done to pull these young guys out of gangs...WHAT? I saw that family in Harvey who said their home was attacked because of a gang trying to recruit their son...the cops say it is a simple dispute between the kids but I tend to believe the family. My brother works for the "Audy Home" AKA Juvenile Dentention Center and he is off work right now injured after breaking up a gang related fight at the center. What can we do now..to stop kids from joining the gangs and what can we do for the ones caught up in the madness.... I'm going off in this direction because children from Mothers like Mable often end up as gang members..... I'm not marching down the street with a sign asking anyone to end the violence..I just don't think that works... March on City Hall...or the police headquarters....but the people in the neighborhoods doing the shooting..they don't care.....when the marchers go in....they come out and continue their madness.... I recall a time when Roseland was NICE..we camped out in the back yard....we could walk all over the area with no problems..we walked up to Palmer Park to swim..to Gately's People Store for popcorn... Now it is like the wild wild west..... and this too shall pass...
catpurrson		#5	[-]
Registered Member Posts: 89 (07/24/08 3:45 PM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Missy, I don't think that such discussions would necessarily make someone like Mabel take stock and make changes in her/his life. That would have to be something for that person to do for self. A lot of folks can tell you what you should be doing, should be about but, in the end, it's up to you to follow up on what is said. However, I believe that more discussions like that could be fruitful, if only to keep reminding those who are in denial that Mabel's situation is a pervasive problem and, as Lucky indicated, we have a lot of work cut out for us. When Derrick was talking to Mabel the other day, that was the first time I'd heard any of the hosts who are on when she calls in take on the questions that needed to be asked. Cat
AfraKimberly		#6	[-]
Registered Member Posts: 320 (07/24/08 7:10 PM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Aw, I missed it. A radio show and audience probably won't change Mabel or people who think like her. I get the feeling that they were handfuls as youngsters and that people told them right from wrong, but they wanted to do wrong. It's statistically ineffective to expect outside organizations to fix the family or people, but we've got to try anyway, to help the tiny possibility that someone will turn her life around. I've been watching Divorce Court on TV1, and our people have been showing up frequently. I've heard every sorry excuse for not taking responsibility for one's family last week. As for gangs, criminals, and horror, marching is not enough. The gangbangers and criminals come right back after doing their dirt, and sleep in their bed in our homes. Once we say, "You can't come back here," it might change for us.
MissyinChi		#7	[-]
Registered Member Posts: 110 (07/25/08 11:52 AM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	What can we do? Where can I begin? I am a parent with children on the right path. I have done my job in this home but what can I do for the community? I'm thinking of things that can be done to make a difference and help bring about positive change. I hate to drive through my old neighborhoods and feel so sad and talk to my kids about what it once was like. How kids could play outside late into the night during the summer. I know I sound like a relic but I recall cussing at a girl on my block...a neighbor heard me and said, Missy you go home right now before I wash your mouth out with soap. I got home and my Mom asked why I came in..I said I was tired..Mom said..or maybe you were done with your cussing for the day...and got my behind... Back then neighbors communicated and people would correct kids who were doing wrong. I know more than a few neighbors got on me for my antics. I learned but I think I was helped by the fact that whether in my home or out in the neighborhood someone knew me, my parents and felt comfortable setting me straight. Today I have kids on my block who look at me like I am invisible when I ask them to behave. I might have to go ring a door bell soon but I hesitate because I know some parents do not want to hear any complaints about their children. My nephew was shot in the back and killed in 2001 by gang members who missed their target. He was..."in the wrong place at the wrong time" but there has to be something we can do to stop this violence.... I just think raising these kids better is step one.... and this too shall pass... Last Edited By: MissyinChi 07/25/08 4:08 PM. Edited 1 times.
LuckyCastaaway	re	#8	[-]
Registered Member Posts: 605 (07/25/08 1:47 PM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Missy, I think one of the cardinal reasons a lot of this crap happens is that now-a-days we haven't a clue as to who our neighbors are. Honestly, how many neighbors do you know on your block? Now (to your point) compare that to how many neighbors you knew on your block as a child. Big difference, huh? Nowadays we look at each other with doubt, jealousy, classism, fear and suspicion. We instantly categorize each other based on our car, attire, address, professions, hue, home size and education. When we are in the presence of white people we don't label or classify them in this manner, only our own. Admittedly, I subliminally catch myself occasionally subscribing to some of this behavoir. Many of these problems are family based. It sounds cliche', but having a mom and dad at home makes a HUGE impact in a child(rens) life - there are tons of data to support this theory. Sidebar, one thing that I absolutely love about the old southern marriages in the 1930's, 40's, 50's and 60's was that the black man and black woman stood by each other no matter what. They raised their children with meager incomes and while they weren't the most educated folks, they knew the value of family and education. These couples not only knew the value of family, but they knew the value of land and the need to pass assets along generationally. Missy, as to answer your original question "What can you do to bring about change"? Well, there are little things you can do in your neighborhood to effect change. The first thing is to get to know your neighbors. For example, every August my wife coordinates an annual Ice Cream Social in our neighborhood. There is something magical and mystical when folks eat together, they tend to open up and connect. Seriously, try it... Don't laugh, it's amazing how many like-minded parents you will find at this type of event. They come from all over our block and from other blocks too. Everyone laughs, we swap phone numbers and keep in touch. This is a great chance to meet the kids of your neighbors also. Also, call the cops for anything and everything you notice out of whack - for sure!
AfraKimberly	RE: what to do?	#9	[-]
Registered Member Posts: 321 (07/25/08 4:13 PM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Poor Missy (said in sympathy, not being a butthole). Your poor nephew. Too bad we don't say that those criminals who shot him were in the wrong place at the wrong time, doing wrong. We always couch the victim in those terms. One time, a boy was cursing up a storm in the street. I was cringing, complaining to my boyfriend. He threw the window pane up and yelled, "Son, stop that cursing. That's not appropriate language." There were other adults around; not one said anything to the boy or my boyfriend, and the boy quit cursing. Truthfully, I'm not sure that my voice would have carried the authority to make the boy stop, but I admired my boyfriend greatly for doing that. I was looking at what Lucky said he and his wife do. The ice-cream social is a good idea. However, on my block there are so many units and no houses at all. Collegiality is easy on a block that has 10-20 homes and no listed sex offenders on the website. I try to see those with whom I feel comfortable and smile, chit-chat or recognize some. Even in the doctor's office, an older man said today, "Hello, everybody!...We should try to greet each other daily." Remember when we black people said hi to each other, even when we didn't know each other? Those were the days before "Forensic Files" and "The New Detectives." The days when people didn't take kindness for weakness.
MissyinChi		#10	[-]
Registered Member Posts: 111 (07/25/08 4:30 PM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I don't want to sound like a person who swats down any good advice but....(as I proceed to do just that) Let me tell you about my suburban neighborhood. I moved here and there was only 1 other black family on the black, actually a single black woman, she was an attorney. Within the next year most of the white people had sold and moved out. This was not a problem at all for me. When the attorney sold her home (she needed to move back home to TX) she stopped by with the new owner. We are friendly to this day. I have made it a point to go over and introduce myself to any new neighbors. I met a female correctional officer and we became friends but she was only buying her home as part of the office in the community program and she wanted to transfer the property to her daughter who decided she did want it.... I stopped by to introduce myself to the next new family. I waited until I was SURE the wife was home and I rang the bell..said hello...welcome to the neighborhood..gave my name and address and told the Mrs. that if she ever needed anything or had any questions she should feel free to ring my bell..This woman looked at me like I had just slapped her Momma. I would see her in the local grocery store and she would walk the other way to avoid speaking. I spoke to her whenever I saw her if she didn't turn away and act like she didn't see me. I finally said enough and we have not said so much as good morning in years. In a nutshell things are not too good here. People don't speak and the families with the worse kids won't look you in the eye. The police department suggested I start a block club but with the attitudes on my block I didn't think that would be a good idea. Loud music is blasting from the cars at 3 homes but if you ask the adults to do something about it they say..it is not harming anyone...in fact one person is the homeowner and thinks it is OK to blast his music. I also decided against starting the block club because that was too much like being the POLICE...I had a very direct open line of communication with the last police chief. My neighbors wife became ill and died within a year...his minor daughters became girls gone wild. He asked me to help by watching his home and calling him when they had boys in his house he worked nights..I did this..but one day after calling him to let him know his daughter was fighting in the middle of the streets..he came home and waved at me and said Thanks Missy....so that was the summer of hell as she tried to intimidate me...it didn't work...cuz I brought my A game from the city....She finally got the message but.... This is not the kind of block/area to have an ice cream social. It appears that the trouble makers now outnumber the good guys. I'm moving when the market is better and my youngest completes high school. I'm tired of picking up tiny zip lock bags and beer bottles from my lawn after their late night parties. and this too shall pass...
MissyinChi		#11	[-]
Registered Member Posts: 113 (07/25/08 4:45 PM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	AfraKimberly wrote: Poor Missy (said in sympathy, not being a butthole). Your poor nephew. Too bad we don't say that those criminals who shot him were in the wrong place at the wrong time, doing wrong. We always couch the victim in those terms. One time, a boy was cursing up a storm in the street. I was cringing, complaining to my boyfriend. He threw the window pane up and yelled, "Son, stop that cursing. That's not appropriate language." There were other adults around; not one said anything to the boy or my boyfriend, and the boy quit cursing. Truthfully, I'm not sure that my voice would have carried the authority to make the boy stop, but I admired my boyfriend greatly for doing that. I was looking at what Lucky said he and his wife do. The ice-cream social is a good idea. However, on my block there are so many units and no houses at all. Collegiality is easy on a block that has 10-20 homes and no listed sex offenders on the website. I try to see those with whom I feel comfortable and smile, chit-chat or recognize some. Even in the doctor's office, an older man said today, "Hello, everybody!...We should try to greet each other daily." Remember when we black people said hi to each other, even when we didn't know each other? Those were the days before "Forensic Files" and "The New Detectives." The days when people didn't take kindness for weakness. My nephew was a good guy but he didn't listen. ZHe lived with my parents in a nice middle class suburb. He worked as a mail carrier with a route on the North side. We have relatives who live on the low end and some are involved in activities that caused up to break ties with them. Mom said, if they want to live right we can be family but if they are going to be terrorists then we have no dealings. Mom told all the boys to stay away from these family members. My nephew received a call asking for a ride to the store or help with something, he went over there and as he stepped out of his car...shooting began and people took off running...he was shot and taken by ambulance to Stroger...or was it still Cook County in 2001...Now he died on the operating table because of massive blood loss...we were later told it was one of those exploding bullets. Now what bothered me most was..they took him from 63rd and King Drive to the County because that was policy..if it is gang related..go to the county..even if the victim is not in a gang... My nephew was mid 20's...had that immortality thing going..he was making plans to go downstate to visit friends in school...he was planning a trip with friends to visit my son in WA State..he had so much he wanted to do...but when my Mother said...do NOT go down there..and do not associate with them...he ignored that warning...I should add..the thug he was going to help out...was his older brother..we don't hear from him unless he is in jail...asking for a Bible or money on his books..otherwise we don't hear from him.... AfraKimberly...I speak to people all the time..like in the south..it is considered good manners to walk in a room and say hello..but people act like they are scared to respond..or that your are not speaking to them...and don't even try to say hello to a woman with her man..she will swear you are flirting, LOL but..I still speak..and have met many friends by just being my friendly self..... and this too shall pass...

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